Study Abroad

I attended a pre-return orientation over the weekend for the AFS high school exchange students returing to their home countries in a few months, and I've had my study abroad experiences and friends very much on my mind ever since.

The textbook for my Teaching ESL class is all about studying abroad. It's called Maximizing Study Abroad: A Students' Guide to Strategies for Language and Culture Learning and Use and was put together by returnee students from the U of Minnesota. One of the first quotes by a returnee is about returning home after a study abroad experience:

"Coming home story: Beginning at the end

April 28th was the day I chose. I don't even know why. I knew I had to return to Minnesota sometime, so I picked an unimportant date. I had lived in Mexico for four months and, although I didn't consider it home, it just felt more like my home than MInnesota. In the week before I left, I continued my life in Mexico as normal except for pakcing a little and buying some gifts. I spent my last Saturday, my last Sunday, my last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and THursday in Cuernavaca. And then Friday, April 28th arrived. I wasn't excited. I wasn't scared. I wasn't sad. I was just numb, in total disbelief.

I decided not to tell anyone when I was coming home. My mother would ask and I would say, "Oh, sometime at the end of April or early May." I finished classes at the beginning of April and since then, my friends were wondering when I was coming home so they could meet me at the airport. I pictured the scene: my mom almost crying with happiness when she sees me, a stern hug from my dad, a quick 'welcome home roughing up' from my brothers, friends giving hugs and asking how the trip was, etc.

The whole idea scared me to death. I haven't seen these people in four months, and they want to come together in one place and bombard me the moment I get off the plane? No way! So I decided to tell only two friends when my flight came in -- Matt and Carlos are the two people who I knew would not stress me out.

THe morning of the 28th I took a taxi to the bus station and a bus to the airport in Mexico City with my friend Alberto. We got to the airport with about 15 minutes before I had to board the plane and nervously talked. He and I had become really good friends, and I think we were nervous about saying goodbye. About seven minutes before I boarded the plane it hit me. I was leaving. I didn't want to leave Mexico. I didn't want to leave my friends. And I didn't want to leave the new 'me' that I had discovered. I started to cry. Alberto gave me a hug, we said goodbye, and I walked to the gate. I knew that if I looked back at him I would just walk back to him and say, "Let's go back to Cuernavaca. I can't leave!" Instead I walked to my gate and boarded the plane.

I had a layover in Houston, and it was terrible. I walked off the plane and was surrounded by white people. Everyone was speaking English. I hadn't seen so many people like me in so long. It seems like I should have been fine with it, but I was very uncomfortable. I kept thinking about Alberto and my other Mexican friends, and I kep thinking about all the places I had seen every day that I may never see again. My 40-minute layover seemed to last forever.

My plane ride to Minneapolis was uneventful except for my thoughts of how I didn't want to be going there. I stepped off the plane and saw Matt and Carlos and almost started to cry. I wanted to cry because no matter how great it was to see them, I didn't want to see them. I wanted to be in Mexico.

-Susie P"


It's incredible that if the names and places were changed, this could my narration of how I felt about returning home after my time in Finland. I talked at orientation with other AFSers about how exchange students can relate on so many levels with other exchange students because, no matter the time and the place and the situation, we all experienced so many of the same things. The fear of being in a new place. The homesickness. The close friendships formed. The new places visited. The sheer devastation of leaving an entire new world that we may never return to. The knowledge that we will never be the person we were before leaving. The certainty that our new friends will be close to our hearts, no matter how far away they are. The beauty of having a second home. The unconditional love of a host mother.

My best friend from high school understood less of what I'd experienced than someone I'd just met at an AFS post-return orientation. Even though Susie P went last year for a college semester in Mexico, she can understand my sadness of having to leave my high school year in Finland more than any of my friends from home can. That is the beauty of studying abroad- we are forever changed and affected by the time we spend abroad, learning, growing up, and sharing ourselves with the rest of the world.


Leaving Finland and returning home was the hardest thing I have ever done. It eclipsed the sadness of leaving everything I had ever known to go to Finland the year before. Weeks before leaving, my best friends and I would break down in tears a few times a week, knowing that we only had a little time left. We found as many sad songs and quotes as we could to make ourselves sad, so that when we cried, we were still together and could hug each other for a few weeks more. Sappy exchange student emails were passed around, all about the difficulty of the return process and the lasting bonds that we had made during our year. When the end finally came, we cried. But not as much as we wanted to. There were no tears to express what it was like to have to walk away from our new families, or closest friends, our soulmates. But we did it. I landed in Newark and was struck by all the English around me. I saw my parents at the arrivals gate and cried, unable to control my emotions any longer. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be back in Tampere, meeting my best friends for food, talking to my host mom for hours a night, and being surrounded by the beautiful Finnish language.

It's been almost 3 years since I left, and I can relive the entire return process. It still makes me to cry to remember what we went through. Even though one of my best friends is in Chile and the other in Switzerland, they are closer to me than anyone else in this whole world. They are there for me in ways that those in my presence can't be. We have millions of shared memories. I've gotten to travel to Chile and Switzerland, and even though it's been years since we've been together, I know that these are lifelong friendships. We don't need to be close in distance since we are always going to be close in heart. To quote Claudio Magris in the wonderful book A Different Sea, " But seeing each other again is not all that important. Our bonds are the sort that cannot be broken." I know that when I see them again, we will pick up exactly where we left off, putting aside the years we had to spend apart.